Thursday, February 6, 2014

Choosing Happiness

Suffering the major loss of someone you dearly loved is a life altering event.

Losing my Mom last August was hands down the most difficult experience I've ever faced.

And here I am, almost a full 6 months later, feeling like it just happened yesterday yet like it has been forever all at the same time - which has got to be one of the strangest feelings in the world.

Anyone who has gone through something similar knows that it is a roller coaster of emotions. Some days I'm up, others I'm down, and then there are those days where I really don't know what I'm feeling. I've been angry, sad, confused, speechless, and just plain pissed off. I've felt unsure, cheated, and forced to question everything I thought I knew. There have been tears, many many tears, and there have been smiles, more of those as time goes by.

There is one things I know for sure though, after experiencing such a traumatic and profound loss in my life, it would have been really easy for me to harden my heart. To go to an emotionally dark place. To shut out the people who were trying to help. To not allow myself to simply feel what I was going through, each and every stage of grief. To take a quick turn to negative town.

But that's not how I chose to handle things.

Soon after losing my Mom, I made a very conscious decision, in the midst of my grieving, that I was going to choose to be happy. To be true to what my emotions were telling me. To feel grateful that I was given the chance to have her in my life for 24 years. To feel so much joy looking back on all the time we got to spent, whether it was shopping or sitting at her chemo appointments. To live each and every day of my life exactly how I want to.

People in my every day life are often asking me how I have such a positive attitude and keep such a good mindset. For me the answer is simple, it's because deep down in my heart, I know that's what my Mom would want for me. It's really all about perspective - which I think is safe to say is something I've gained through the loss.

I'm not sharing all of this to make myself out to be some sort of hero. Instead, I hope I can inspire some of you to choose to take the positive route in your own difficult situations.

These past 6 months have been all about finding that "new normal" in my life without my Mom. As I'm finally starting to feel like myself again, I've realized that the "new normal" includes one very big change. Instead of having my Mom beside me each and every day, she's upgraded to a front row seat in heaven to watch all of my big moments unfold.

I've got a lot to be grateful for and a lot to look forward to, and because of that, 
I'm choosing happiness.


  1. I know that strange feeling, sometimes I feel like Brent was just here and sometimes I feel like it was forever ago. Choosing happiness is definitely the best thing! No one leaves this earth wanting the ones they leave behind to be unhappy